Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
