I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
