Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
