woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Pooping to opera.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
