i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
