my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
