so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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