she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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