drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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