is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
