dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
