I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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