if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
