Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
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