all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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