why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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