Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
