May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
