My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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