It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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