Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
