yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
