I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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