i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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