If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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