Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
