It's Friday. Sex?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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