wakey wakey hands off snakey
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
