Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
