I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
