dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It's just like the Real World with babies
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
