Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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