Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
