and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
