I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
