dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
