i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
