my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
