I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
