you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
