for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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