Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
