There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
