what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You made out with two different species that night
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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