This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
