I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
