I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
