I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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