TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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