I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
