totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Everclear isn't food dammit
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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