Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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