You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
