So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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