if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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