ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
