I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The air was thick with penises
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
