Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
