Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
