Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
i believe in u and ur pee
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
