Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
