My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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