Quick, to the slutcave!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
